Life is so much better after having sex.
I love having hate sex.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
