Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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