apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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