I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
