he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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