Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The convent might be a nice break from real life
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
