remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
