Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
