someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
