I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
