I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
