What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
