alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Randomize
