Sponge bath it is.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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