I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
