You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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