His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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