after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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