So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
