"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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