the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
