can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
