Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
