He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
