you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
