first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
