I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
