I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
