i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
