The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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