what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
