cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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