you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
