i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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