Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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