Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
