Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have post one night stand depression
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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