Your face is a jimmy john
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
