so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
