i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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