Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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