Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
