I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
