I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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