Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
