found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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