i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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