Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
