Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sorry about my life...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
