So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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