the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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