barbara walters just said penis...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
